I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
