Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
