When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
