Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
