The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
