I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
