That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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