I seem to have left my pride at pride
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
