The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
