I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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