You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
