So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
