And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
