There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
