Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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