I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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