Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
