Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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