Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
