she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
