Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
