i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This baby is an asshole
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
