He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I will be naked everywhere
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
