i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They took my balls.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
this hospital has no fireball
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