TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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