I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
