I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
