Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i will never coherently bang her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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