you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
