Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
