he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
