Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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