never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
