We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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