wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
