Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
