why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's shark week go big or go home
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
