actually, I'm a sock model
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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