found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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