Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
