btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
