you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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