Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
