I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
