'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
