I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
