and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
