Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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