I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
