Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
