he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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