You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
