My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
