new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
